July 18, 2013

• So many strange things

  I was thinking about Cory from Glee who had just recently passed away from a heroin overdose. I felt really sad about it because I was thinking about a time when I was addicted to opiate pills (a very short period, mind you) and I know how intense the physical addiction can get. Morphine gets it’s name from the God of dreams, and I can’t think of a more suitable name for it. With most drugs, you can say “oh that was fun” and close the door on it, but with morphine, there is just such an intense physical need for the substance that even if your mind says no, your body will shake and get sick until you get it again. It is really an insanely addictive drug, and I can’t imagine that if heroin is the same way, then there is no way I could ever survive a heroin addiction. I suppose if I made enough money for the rest of my family to live off of and bought just enough to do heroin until I can OD and die from it, then that wouldn’t be such a bad way to die, although it would be horribly irresponsible.

  In any case, I enjoy sobriety a lot more now that my life is stable. I feel like even if I had access to a lot of drugs, which I kind of do, I still wouldn’t do it just because I’ve been on a clean streak for so long now, it would be a pity to break it.

  I found out today that one of my past friends has become an international DJ over the past year and is jetsetting all over the world to DJ. I think it’s awesome, but I can’t help feeling intensely jealous of her as well. In the past, I also wanted to Dj, but in the end, I always felt like I was too shy to handle playing for a crowd. I am always too self-aware and very critical of myself and others- I wouldn’t be able to handle that kind of pressure. I hope she’s doing well…I haven’t seen or talked to her since she moved to NY. Apparently she is the number one Asian female dj in NY. I think that spot is currently held by DJ Fei Fei here in LA.

  • 4:46 am
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