April 2, 2013
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I feel pretty good about the classes I just finished in the last quarter. I’m finally starting to get the hang of studying for non-literature classes again. It’s a bit hard to retrain my brain to figure out how to think differently, but it’s okay now. I’m slowly getting there.
I just finished playing a game called The Cat Lady, which has been quite popular on Youtube among some of my favorite Youtube gamers. What attracted me to this game was that the premise is of a woman, Susan Ashworth, who kills herself in the beginning of the game almost the same way I tried to kill myself a year and a half ago. I think the most interesting aspect of the story is that the authors of the game neither punish nor approve of her actions; rather, they just explore the complexities of depression in a very unapologetic manner. Not only is Susan depressed, but she’s also a “cat lady.” Cat ladies are usually thought of as unlikable loners who dislike socializing and prefer the company of cats. Sometimes it is inferred that they are also anti-social; hence, the nickname “crazy cat lady.” Especially in America, I feel like anyone who is too closely associated with cats become antagonized for their perceived social preferences. However, I don’t think there should be anything wrong with people who like cats, just as there shouldn’t be anything wrong with someone who doesn’t particularly prefer the company of other people. Oddly enough, this idea that cats are associated with anti-social unlikable people seems to be most prevalent in the U.S. – in all of my travels elsewhere, other people and cultures don’t seem to have as negative of a perception of “cat people” as we do here in the U.S. I’ve always felt that this was due to the American cowboy mentality – that we need to take things by the reins, pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, and if we don’t take action, then we’ll just be passive pussies (pun intended).
On an introspective note, I enjoy socializing to a certain degree, but prefer to spend more time alone. I feel like spending too much time with people eventually drains my energy and that the interactions among people become more and more superfluous and redundant over time. It’s a necessity for sure, and I hate to be alone 100% of the time, but I can’t help but remember all the times I’ve been betrayed by people around me. I feel like I can’t trust anyone. Even if I trust someone, I always prepare myself to be let down because I know that will always happen. So far, it has happened 100% of the time with all of my ex-boyfriends.
So what makes the game interesting is that they use a very weak and unlikable person to create their protagonist. The ending is not all rainbows and sunshine, but it ends with the idea that Susan has gone through a series of traumatic incidences to gain her rebirth. So everything in the game (it is a horror game after all), as gory and horrific as they are, sort of symbolize the internal horror that she had to go through in order to regain her life (after waking up from a failed suicide attempt).
The whole concept is very novel and interesting. You can read more into it by examining all the characters and their interactions with Susan if you play the game.
I have said before that I don’t expect anyone or anything to be able to understand what I went through in my mind, but this game actually does a pretty good job of interpreting these unpalatable issues on a palatable format.