May 17, 2013
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I’ve been in a terrible funk for the past week or two. I think it has to do with the feeling that no one I really loved or cared about ever seemed to love me back. I visited my mom’s grave on Sunday, and I couldn’t help but remember how I always felt that she felt obliged to love me, but that it was a burden to do so. So many people I loved or cared about either passed away or left me. I often feel that my current relationships could be just as ephemeral and that in the future, I might be around totally different people again. The thought of this pushes me into a deep depression – sometimes I feel like it is just pointless to keep trying when everything falls apart anyway.
Comments (4)
very sad; i hope tons of love comes your way
*HUGS*
everything does fall apart, eventually. it takes constant work to keep things together.
I understand the fear. We’re built to expect what we’re used to. But I really do think Steven is a different kind of person than your exes.
Also, I’m sure your mother enjoyed loving you and never regretted it, or if she did a little, I’m sure her ambivalence was heavily weighted in your favor ;’D