December 6, 2012

• Some thoughts

  Sometimes I think my brain is deteriorating. It's hard to remember things but when I do, it's like a watercolor of emotions - they are washed out and nostalgic feelings that have no precise time or place, but still deeply moving.

  The other day, C told me that she had been thinking of her ex boyfriend recently. "I finally made sense of it" she said. "I can never love him now - he has a wife and two kids already, but I will always love him for who he was when we were together." She went on to tell me about how she did the math: it turns out that having spent 6 years of her life with him, at 29 years old, it is still 20% of her life. "Of course I cannot help thinking about him," she said. "For 20% of my life I spent nearly every day with him." I realized then that that was why I had so much trouble letting go as well. My ex was also someone I had spent nearly every day with for a year - we even lived together for a few months. But ever since the day I found out that he was with that Korean girl, I knew that he was someone I could never be with again. The day he told me he was with her was the day he died to me. I still struggle with so much anger and regret, but the good thing is that we weren't together for as long as 6 years nor were there any kids involved. I am glad he showed his true colors before we were ever that involved. I am also lucky that the burden of his stupidity and sexual deviances will be passed onto someone else. The new girl probably likes a lot of anal and group sex, which is quite frankly something I don't miss at all. What a disgusting creep.

  • 3:51 am
  • 2 Comments