July 30, 2013

• Because Xanga is going kaputz

  I downloaded my archives for Xanga. It’s really weird reading entries that I wrote 11 years ago when I was 17. I think I actually joined Xanga a lot earlier than that, but maybe under a different name. I was so weird as a teenager! Maybe I’m still weird. I was also depressed back then as I am now:

   

  Saturday November 23, 2002

  I guess it’s just this one xanga I accidentally happened to read today that pissed me off…but really, I’ve felt like this a lot…people just don’t understand…I remember once when I was little, I asked my mom “Why do people want to kill themselves?  That’s so horrible”….and isn’t it ironic?  Suicide is so controversial… but I’ve realized that people who are against it don’t understand the feeling…it’s a miserable, cold, lonely, feeling…people say they feel like shit all the time, but suicide is like feeling so shitty you can’t even think about ANYTHING else but killing yourself…it’s horrible…I’m glad I’ve never gone through with it, but it’s a sneaky little bastard…  

   

  Still sounds like me today, eleven years later, and I still haven’t changed. Instead of a teenager, I am just a 28 year old angsty person on a mental pair of crutches called Prozac and Xanax. Less pimples, more wrinkles. I think the difference is that I’ve grown accustomed to isolating myself from the noise and indulgence of too much social interaction.

  Anyway, I know some of you might be wondering where I’m going after this. I’m on WordPress now, so here’s my new cyber consciousness’s home: http://littlefatkitten.wordpress.com/

  I’ve only played around with responses to their daily prompts. So far I haven’t committed to divulging my deepest, most boring secrets on there, but it will probably transition into that as soon as this place dies. “Dies.” Oh, what a heavy and overused word. 

   

  • 11:03 pm
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