November 8, 2012
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random
Some days I wonder why God has left me alive. I sometimes pray that if God could just let me die, I would be grateful. I'm grateful to be alive, but sometimes I just feel like I cannot see myself going forward. Like taking another step is too much effort. Or having to push myself to do things - even the most basic mundane tasks seem overwhelming - just insignificant and pointless. Why clean when it's all going to get dirty again? Why do I bother with exercise and health when I am just a deteriorating biological machine? Everything is just delaying the inevitable entropy that is bound to happen. It's also been so long since I've been in a normal relationship that it feels weird to me that Steven is so nice. I'm actually not pressured to have sex with other men, he actually gets jealous about Normal things, he buys me flowers regularly, and he sets up romantic dates.
Comments (2)
You need a revival... Our spirits do need to be renewed from time to time. Take a road trip to somewhere you've never been and go live like a hippy... You might find yourself or you might miss your old self and find a new appreciation... either way, get out and go do something that makes your heart beat a little faster!
Well... Life is life... Just because it's ephemeral doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy what you can of it while you have it. Not that I don't sort of agree with you re: repetitive unfulfilling tasks.
I'm glad Steven is nice :')
Anyway, see you guys this Friday.
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