Yesterday at Kristen's Christmas cookie decorating party, we won some cool prizes. Steven and I won for our gingerbread house, and I got this amazing mandoline slicer / salad spinner.

After church today, Pastor Benjamin talked to me and I think he knew I was suffering inside. Was suffering. It was nice to finally talk to someone about some of the issues that were weighing so heavily on my mind.

It makes me happy~

Sometimes I think my brain is deteriorating. It's hard to remember things but when I do, it's like a watercolor of emotions - they are washed out and nostalgic feelings that have no precise time or place, but still deeply moving.

The other day, C told me that she had been thinking of her ex boyfriend recently. "I finally made sense of it" she said. "I can never love him now - he has a wife and two kids already, but I will always love him for who he was when we were together." She went on to tell me about how she did the math: it turns out that having spent 6 years of her life with him, at 29 years old, it is still 20% of her life. "Of course I cannot help thinking about him," she said. "For 20% of my life I spent nearly every day with him." I realized then that that was why I had so much trouble letting go as well. My ex was also someone I had spent nearly every day with for a year - we even lived together for a few months. But ever since the day I found out that he was with that Korean girl, I knew that he was someone I could never be with again. The day he told me he was with her was the day he died to me. I still struggle with so much anger and regret, but the good thing is that we weren't together for as long as 6 years nor were there any kids involved. I am glad he showed his true colors before we were ever that involved. I am also lucky that the burden of his stupidity and sexual deviances will be passed onto someone else. The new girl probably likes a lot of anal and group sex, which is quite frankly something I don't miss at all. What a disgusting creep.

Lots of Korean food this weekend. I'm slowly warming back up to their culture. I will always be suspicious of fobby Asian women, but food is always good.

Steven took me to this Italian tapas place for dinner last night. I highly recommend it for anyone in the area! Egg on pizza is also really good. Ivan's hot sauce is also really good. I am a sauce lover, so I requested some extra sauce to take home. Yes, I'm a fatty mcfat fat too.

I was very excited to find that my aunt had a big box of rooibos tea. She said that her friend's son had brought it back from South Africa. "It tastes nasty!" my aunt said. So, I helped her out by taking a bunch of it home. It's been really hard for me to find the same kind of rooibos tea that I used to drink while I lived in the NL. Now I have a lot!

I get the feeling that I get a lot more visits to my blog when I complain or am blogging about depressing things. Maybe it's true that misery loves company. People like to hear about others going through shitty situations but it's not as enjoyable or interesting to read about someone whose life is going well or normally. I wonder why.

It's been a year since the traumatic event with my ex boyfriend. I'm glad that I have gotten over him and am feeling much better. It was one of the most difficult periods in my life next to my mom's death. I remember waking up was difficult, going to work was difficult, and even just sitting in my chair I would get a myriad of sharp neck and back pains as a result of my depression having physically manifested itself onto me. It might seem overly dramatic to many of you, but to me it was really physically and emotionally very painful. As a Christian, it's our duty to forgive others, but I'm afraid this is still an impossible task given that I went through such an intense psychological hell.

Ate tons of yummy food with Steven and played with my cousin's cute babies. It was a great weekend.

I bought this yesterday from Juicy Couture It wasn't such an amazing deal, but ever since I got my iPhone I've been wanting to buy all these accessories for it, hehe.