Sales this year suck

I was hoping and wishing she'd make another album - so glad that I've found it. Only present I need this season.

I love my cat

Clover was sniffing around the couch next to me when he whimpered and jumped into my lap. He curled up there and sniffled. I think it's so cute whenever he does that...I just want to squeeze him...and I usually do.

First entry with iPhone. For a long time I resisted getting an iPhone- also I wasn't due for an upgrade.

I had a pretty good weekend. I had some nightmares though...I blame it on bad memories.

I want to try to make a turkey for thanksgiving this year. Pretty excited!

My go-to fall dishes are zucchini bread and pumpkin pie, but today I made some butternut squash soup which was surprisingly tasty and very eatable. 

I'll probably be using Chef John's turkey recipe: 

http://foodwishes.blogspot.com/

There's one where he stuffs herbed butter under the breast skin, which sounds fattening, but delicious at the same time. 

I'm not a huge fan of rap music or hip hop, but I've recently developed a liking to rap along with random songs. It's challenging to move your mouth so fast, and I kind of find it enjoyable.

Mercy - well, I just like the beat. It's not particularly challenging to rap.

I like Function - the third verse is pretty hard.

Motto - I almost have this one down pretty well. 

Pretty fun. Steven said I should try Busta Rhymes, but I think that would be way too hard for me.

Some days I wonder why God has left me alive. I sometimes pray that if God could just let me die, I would be grateful. I'm grateful to be alive, but sometimes I just feel like I cannot see myself going forward. Like taking another step is too much effort. Or having to push myself to do things - even the most basic mundane tasks seem overwhelming - just insignificant and pointless. Why clean when it's all going to get dirty again? Why do I bother with exercise and health when I am just a deteriorating biological machine? Everything is just delaying the inevitable entropy that is bound to happen. It's also been so long since I've been in a normal relationship that it feels weird to me that Steven is so nice. I'm actually not pressured to have sex with other men, he actually gets jealous about Normal things, he buys me flowers regularly, and he sets up romantic dates.